Put On Love
Put On Love
Over 18 years ago I heard one of my pastors share a phrase on parenting that has changed my perspective. In a class with young married couples, he told us how to create an atmosphere in our home and how to correctly discipline our children. As he neared the end of his message he concluded by saying, "No matter how you discipline your children, the most important thing for your children to know is that they are loved." He went on to tell us that you can "do" all the things the church or society says to do and not meet the goal because your kids did not know you loved them. He told us to love our kids, hug them, kiss them, and speak kind words to them, saying that they may not remember all of the details but that they would remember how we made them feel.
Colossians 3:14 says, "And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony" (ESV). As Christians Paul admonishes us to have a lifestyle of love, and if we are to love one another, how much more should our children know they are loved by their parents.
Love Is...
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 defines biblical love saying, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (ESV). As parents our love for our children should be patient, kind, humble, flexible, forgiving, and encouraging. Our children must know that we support them, believe in them, hope for them, and endure through challenges with them. Our highest priority as parents is to be an example in the way we love and live.
When we properly prioritize love in our homes we will not ignore wrong doing or encourage selfish desires. Loving our children means that we will take the time necessary to correct them when they're wrong, develop character and maturity in their thinking, and prepare them for the future God has for them.
Correct Them When They're Wrong
Proverbs 13:24 tells us, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him" (ESV). Love does not make allowance for sin. Loving correction should lead toward change. Discipline is a necessity for a loving family, but the correction must be conducted within safe boundaries. Colossians 3:21 commands parents saying, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged" (ESV). Our children should not leave our conversation and consequences feeling discouraged (yes, there will be sadness and regret but that is different than fear and shame). Any act of discipline should only be given with a clear explanation of what was wrong and why it is not acceptable. There should be a time for conversation and a heart-to-heart connection with the child.
Motivate Them to Maturity
1 Corinthians 13:11 says, "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish way" (ESV). Loving our children means that we move them from immaturity into maturity. True love does not bend to every whim and desire of a child. Love guides a child to see beyond immature selfish desires and recognize the value of others and their needs.
Prepare Them for Their Future
Proverbs 22:6 reminds us, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it" (ESV). The love of a parent leads us to train and guide our children. Love takes the time to walk our children through decisions and navigate the challenges they will face, so they are thoroughly prepared for the future God has designed for them. This means we must know our children and help guide them to make choices that will encourage their potential.
Enjoy the Reward
Psalm 127:3, "Behold children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward" (ESV). Our children are our reward; and rewards are meant to be celebrated and enjoyed. Often times frustration in parents is exasperated by the time it takes to parent well. Correcting takes time, motivating takes time, preparing takes time, and loving takes time. Children require us to slow down and take time. And in the middle of a busy schedule parenting can feel like a "have to" when it should be a "want to."
If children are our reward to enjoy we need to create space to slow down and enjoy. This is the battle every parent faces; we are simply too busy. As parents we must prioritize our schedules to make room to truly enjoy the family God has given us. It may require sacrificing some "good" things in our lives; fewer sports teams or music lessons, less business dinners or nights out with friends. As we begin to sacrifice the "good" for the "great" in our lives, God's reward will be able to be more fully enjoyed.
I challenge you to embrace the reward of God in your children and slow down so you can truly show them your love for them. Remember that no matter what our kids need to know without a doubt that we love them. Make love the driving force in your parenting, because it is the greatest of all.
"So now faith, hope, and love abide; but the greatest of these is love" (1 Corinthians 13:13, ESV).