Home First
Discipleship Starts in the Home
Although I firmly believe in the need for the local church and the value of Christian education, the family is God's original design for discipleship. Before the church was ever formed, the family was set in as the place for spiritual development and training. Deuteronomy 6:7 establishes the family as the place for children to be educated in Biblical principles. "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise" (Deuteronomy 6:7, ESV).
As parents it is our responsibility to put our home first and raise up our children to know God through Modeling, Moments, and Memories.
Modeling
Our first job as a parent or educator is to be someone that our children can follow after. As Paul said to the church in Corinth, "Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1, ESV). We are to be people our children can follow after. Discipleship is not simply teaching truth, but involves modeling to our families. As parents our roles is to be an example to our children in our spiritual life, in our relationships, and in our character.
If we want to raise children who hear and obey the Holy Spirit, we must be those who show them how. As we provide an example for them they will naturally follow our example. We can provide an example in our spiritual life by,
- Prayer. Pray on your own for your family, pray with your family before bed or on the way to school, ask your family for prayer requests and follow up with them, and thank God at meals,
- Read the Bible. Read your Bible on your own, ask God to give you verses for your family and pray those over them, encourage your family to read the Bible with age-appropriate resources, and read the Bible together.
- Prioritize Church. Make church a non-negotiable that you prioritize in your week, attend together as a family, serve in church as an example, and find ways to be involved in church activities.
We also train our children through our example in our relationships,
- Other Parent. Our children will follow our example in the way we treat their other parent or our partner. We provide an example to them of what to expect in their future by the way we treat our spouse, their other parent, or any potential romantic relationship. If we are disrespectful, have an unhealthy relationship, don't follow Biblical guidelines for relationship, this is what our children will see as acceptable. What we allow in our relationships speaks louder than what we tell our children they should do.
- Children. As parents, the way we treat our children should provide an example for how to ask for forgiveness, how to love unconditionally, and how to work through difficulties and not give up.
- Friendships. Our friendships with extended family, friends, church community, coaches, teachers, and any other person provide an example to our kids. If we speak badly about others, so will our children. If we show love and respect for others, so will our children.
- Moral Standards. We provide an example by constantly allowing Christ to work in us and change us. By admitting when we make mistakes (age appropriately reveal) and work to uphold Biblical morality.
- Work Ethic. One significant example we provide for our children is in our work ethic. The example we provide in our own work, and also in what we require our children to participate in, sets them up for their own future.
Moments
As parents we are commissioned to train our children as Deuteronomy 6:7 says. We are to utilize moments to teach as we talk when we sit, walk, lie down, and rise. The word teach in Deuteronomy 6:7 is the idea of a blade being sharpened with the intent to make the object hit the target. An important note is that this verse tells us that we are to teach as we talk with our children; this is a good reminder that we need to continually keep conversation open with our children in every season, finding moments to talk with them.
- Sit. One way we can teach when we sit together is to establish a dinner routine where we have conversations without electronics. Establish family nights and holiday traditions centered around communication and activities that provide moments for conversation and bonding.
- Walk. Another moment to teach our children is as we are going. Make a habit of having conversations in the car on the way to school or home from school. Take time to make this a routine and establish expected questions. In the morning ask what they have in school today and pray for the day. On the way home ask if anything funny, sad, or good happened at school.
- Lie Down. Create moments at bedtime to have routine to talk about the day and pray together. Create space in your bedtime routine and use this moment to slow down and answer any questions your children have.
- Rise. In the mornings create time for teaching in healthy routines; packing lunches, tidying room, organizing for the day, and expressing love for each other.
Memories
Our goal as parents is to create something beautiful that will outlast our lives. As we invest in our family through modeling and moments, memories will be established. Proverbs 22:6 tells us, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it" (ESV). Intentional discipleship in the home will create a legacy.
- Unity. Creating intentionality in our families will foster safety and unity between family members. Keeping conversations open and honest, and providing opportunities for healthy conflict will protect a family from growing apart.
- Future Generations. If we work to instill Godly character, teaching our children to listen to the Holy Spirit, and establishing healthy routines will outlive us and affect generations to come.
Home First
As parents we can sometimes feel inadequate to model, create moments, and protect memories. We must remember that God will give us what we need, as Hebrews 13:21 says, "...equip you with everything good that you may do his will..." (ESV). Putting our home first through discipleship won't be perfect, but God's grace is the key to help up. As we seek Him and authentically practice our faith in our homes it will make a lasting impact in our children.
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