The Moments Matter

Don't Miss the Moment

I will never forget the night my youngest son fell asleep in my arms for the last time. As I was holding him, I somehow knew it would be the last time he fell asleep in my arms. I told myself no matter how heavy he felt (and he 6 at the time), I wouldn't let go. And now that 6 year old is 17, and that memory is something I will treasure forever.

It's often these every day moments that leave a lasting impact on our memories as parents. But it's also these every day moments that leave an imprint on our kids. My husband and I recently taught a parenting course and for the final session had our three sons come and answer questions. When they were asked what are some of their fondest memories, they replied with stories of doing laundry together, playing baseball in the backyard with my husband, and the every day little things that I never realized mattered to them. We often place the emphasis on big events or vacations (and those are important), but the every day dinner or family chores can leave just as large of an impact as the Hawaiian vacation. I believe the key is availability and consistency.

Being Available

Availability is more than just telling your kid that you are there to help if they need you. It's being present in what they are doing. When my boys talked about their fond memories of folding laundry, they shared that it was because we did it together. Every laundry day I would have the boys throw their clothes over the rail on the stairs, then they would take 10 minutes and jump off the stairs into the pile of dirty clothes before we sorted them into loads. Once the clothes were clean and dry, we brought all the buckets into the family room, put on a movie, and folded clothes together during a "movie night".

During these family laundry days, my husband and I weren't just in the same room, we were folding with them. Being truly available requires being involved in the moment. I have found that one of the best things we can do as parents is to participate with our kids. As parents we need to find time to get away from our phones and refuse to be distracted with tasks that don't involve our kids, and be available to our kids.

Being available tells our kids that they mean more to us than the other things in that moment. Even sometimes as parents we get distracted by good things. In Luke 10 we read the story of Mary and Martha and how Martha was doing a good work and serving Jesus, but Mary was sitting at Jesus' feet. Martha goes to Jesus asking him to tell Mary to help her, but Jesus replies, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:41-42, ESV).

From the story of Mary and Martha we learn that there are times to serve and there are times to sit and be present. This is true with our families as well. It is great to make dinner, clean the house, pay the bills, and do all of the things we need to serve our family. But we also need time to sit together and be present with our kids. Being available is a huge key to not miss the moments with our kids.

Being Consistent

Along with being available, our children need us to be consistent. In that session where my kids shared their memories, one of the repeated comments my boys made was that their dad was always up for an adventure with them. My husband works an extremely demanding job, but from the time our kids were born to this current day he is not only available to them, but he is consistent. He consistently played with them when he got home from work. My husband would rearrange his schedule to be present for sports and school events. At times he did have business trips and was not home at night, he was never able to coach their teams or chaperone field trips, but every night he came home the boys knew dad would be ready to play with them.

Consistency creates stability and safety (Montgomery Child Care Association). It's not only consistency in rules and discipline, but it's consistency of routine and what our children expect at home that creates a safe place for our kids and ultimately helps build confidence and emotional stability. My husband's consistency in his availability and interactions with our kids created a safe relationship with their dad. Our consistency as parents in our actions and emotions has a significant effect on our children. 

So What Do We Do?

Parenting is not easy, and sometimes we can feel like we are not measuring up. In these moments we need to remember that God has given our kids to us and He knows exactly what we need to help. James 1:5 tells us, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him" (ESV).  Whether you are a single parent, a stay-at-home parent, a two-parent family with lots of help, or a two-parent two-career family, your presence is vital to your child. When we allow the Holy Spirit to help us be available and consistent in the everyday moments.